I have vivid memories of my children, when they were toddlers, acting out when they hadn’t had enough sleep. Maybe they had missed a nap, or played very long and hard, or stayed up late to watch a movie with the grownups. They would screw up their faces and squint their eyes and insist in whatever their particular toddler dialect was, “I’m NOT tired and I’m NOT cranky!” I would laugh (hopefully inwardly, so as not to make matters worse) and know that the only way out of this was to get them to sleep.
What didn’t seem obvious to them, what had sneaked up on them, was that they were on overload.
For adults, being overloaded is more complex, of course, and there is often no one else to recognize that we are stressed and help us put an end to it. We can be sitting there, spitting out irritation at those around us, with shoulders so tight they’re up around our ears, and still insist that we’re okay. Then after a while, when we find our stomachs as tight as our shoulders and the sleep that should restore us to be fitful at best, we start to wonder “How did this happen?”
Well, there are many sources of stress our world. One huge group of stressors is all the things that have to do with time. We often find ourselves rushing. We get stuck in traffic, and think about all the time we’re wasting, how we’re going to be late. If someone keeps us waiting for an appointment, we feel that as stress because it will put us behind schedule. If we don’t get to work on time, we’re likely to hear about it from a boss, or get “that look” from a coworker. The old saw about “time is money” might be thrown at us. If we’re late getting the kids to school, we might get labeled as an irresponsible parent, or our kids may get upset when they’re late. Or maybe there’s a really tight deadline at work, and we either work crazy overtime to get it done or feel really stressed when we don’t get it done. So time management can be a really important part of stress management.
Of course, sometimes we really can’t help being late, and it may be impossible to meet that deadline. And that, in fact, is another huge source of stress: unreasonable/unrealistic expectations that are put upon us. Some managers, for example, don’t have the real-world experience to know how long it really takes to accomplish a task or complete a project, and they don’t understand that unexpected obstacles may pop up that just make it all take longer. Bosses may not understand that quality work, which takes longer, saves time in the long run. And of course, there are some managers that assign unrealistic deadlines because they think it motivates people. That might work for some people in the short run, but over time, stressed workers become less effective.
And speaking of time and unreasonable expectations, there is the element of being constantly available, by phone or email. The time that you spend after your work day is supposedly over, answering calls and emails, is not downtime. Your brain is still in that work space, the stress hormones are getting released. When the line between work and leisure gets blurred, it takes a toll. And of course, the more you answer those emails and take those calls and tasks, the more you will get them. We all train people in how to treat us.
These, and so many factors in particular jobs and particular life situations, can contribute to levels of stress that affect both our productivity and our happiness in life. The good news is that it can get better. You can start by identifying sources of stress in your life, and making efforts to address them. Along with that, you can tune in to what it feels like to be UN-stressed, using meditation and relaxation techniques. And then, you can work on forming a vision of the life you want, what your values are, and how that is part of your future.
The other good news is that my colleague, Danielle Palli, and I have put together a course on Udemy to help you do just that. It’s called “Overcoming Stress, Building Personal Power, & Finding Joy” and it’s available now. And—the good news continues—you can click on the link below for a special offer.